Thursday 23 September, 2010

CWG Scam - the untold story

The real reasons of CWG mess aren't the ones you read on newspaper, actually they are the following:

Post elections, the Indian economy needed another fiscal stimulus, but because of international pressure the Indian government could not give it officially and therefore decided to allow CWG committee members as much leeway as needed to spend handsome amount of money for the benefit of the economy. The government is successful as Indian Capital Markets have outperformed all other indices worldwide.

The CWG contracts weren't given to big and reputed companies under the pressure of MINGCCO (minorities group of construction companies) following Indian secular model extended to the corporate world to minimise the gap between the haves and have-nots of the Indian Industry.

Applying the rule of equitable distribution of resources, the organising committee asked the elite group of hotels for personal benefits stating that the CWG organised by them will benefits these hotels in a big way and hence they need to give it back in some way or the other. However, The elite group of hotels together decided that they will not mend to the ways of CWG committee members and hence to teach them a lesson organising committee ensured that no-one actually comes for the game.

The CWG committee had hired world renowned consultants to advice them on how best to improve India's chances of getting more medals. The consultants applied their IPR protected model 'ATRC' (Attack the root cause) and after extensive primary research and in-depth expert interviews, the consultants came to a conclusion the root cause if better skills of foreign athletes. Therefore it was decided to somehow make them not come to the venue. The consultants did not charged for their services.

Organising the CWG is the most expensive marketing campaign taken up by the government of India in association with Election commission of India to create a buzz, big enough to reach the farthest of the corners and make people realise the repercussions of not voting during the time of elections and to prevent the repeat of something similar to CWG people would be forced to vote.

After RBI failed to control the inflation in the economy, the CWG was the last resort left in front of the government to siphon-off big chunks of money to SWISS banks accouts so that it can not return to further heat up the economy. CWG was the only way to make the money disappear without creating any real assets in the economy and therefore the effiency achieved is one of the best.

With the consistent failure of Intelligence Bureau to prevent terrorist strikes in the country, the threat of terrorist strike on CWG was real lest the games itself become so uncertain that the terrorist organizations do not even make plans for it, thereby the satisfying the DOE (Damage on Explosives) expectations of the shareholders of these terrorist organizations. The CWG OC should be credited for perfectly planning this 'unplanned' picture of the games.

The honourable MLAs of Indian democratic system had all joined hands for the first time for one aim, to ensure CWG becomes the monster of all issues, just to divert attention from their failure with regards to Ayodhya Issue, Bhopal Gas, Inflation, IPL Controversies, Rotting of Food Grain, Suicide of Farmers et.al. Mr Suresh is just being made scapegoat and therefore, is paid handsomely.

Wednesday 25 August, 2010

O my heart !

O my Heart! Listen
I know you like to Dream, It’s your way to zoom past all the inhibitions
When you see a friend proudly exhibiting his sport car

I know you want to jump in the sky, want to achieve new heights
When you see a friend enjoying a roller coaster ride

You want to lend a helping hand, give meaning to my achievements
When you see a friend involved with a NGO

To express those emotions that does not want to be confined by words
When you see a wonderful portrait made by a friend

And you want to stretch the boundaries, reasserting your belief in me
When you see a friend receiving new laurels

O my Heart, Listen You may keep dreaming, aspiring
But remember you are not alone, get along my mind, my soul

Still, keep dreaming, keep asking for more, keep pushing
Confront my intellect, don’t let it settle for less

Imagine what my eyes fail to see, hear what my ears ignore
Don’t you know, you still rule my world

Monday 23 August, 2010

All about CWG

I am modifying this post to include this another link shared by a friend - http://churumuri.wordpress.com/2010/09/03/the-times-of-india-and-commonwealth-games/ 

The CWG story is getting interesting every day. If you have not followed it up so far, you may read this collection of news as it appeared in print media for you and I will keep updating this. Full marks to Mr. Iyer who started the controversy by wishing failure to CWG but it made people to question and probe further. Let’s see how far the story goes.

July 17 –
July 18 –
July 23 –
July 25 –
July 27 –
July 28 –
July 29 –
July 30 –
July 31 –
Aug 1 –
Aug 2 –
Aug 3 –
Aug 4 –
Aug 5 –
Aug 6 –
Aug 8 –
Aug 9 –
Aug 10 –
Aug 11 –
Aug 12 –
Aug 13 –
Aug 14 –
Aug 16 –
Aug 17 –
Aug 18 –
Aug 19 –
Aug 20 –
 Aug 21 –
Aug 22 –
Aug 23 –
Aug 24 –

Wednesday 11 August, 2010

Teaser Campaign - Peepli Live !

Aamir Khan is at it again, the buzz that he is able to create before a movie release is always the best. When I saw the teaser campaign for the first time, I thought those campaigns are just a hoax, and that the movie is on a different topic altogether. I thought people will get a big surprise when they go and watch the movie on the first day and then it will generate another round of buzz which will spread by word-of-mouth. The idea is to completely catch people off-guard and push the un-decided ones to buy the tickets. Clearly, it is unheard of, in bollywood. I do not have sufficient knowledge about Hollywood, so am unable to comment.

Now, I feel that Peepli Live teaser campaigns were not a deception but were actually a snapshot of what the movie is all about. Okay, let us just leave it to the fact that consumers in india may not be ready for such teaser campaigns. You may have already heard of the ambush marketing by HUL for its Dove brand that completely over scored on the buzz built by P&G. So, may be Aamir Khan has learnt a lesson and he did not wanted to create an opportunity for someone else to score.

But there are still many things that differentiate peepli live from other bollywood releases, the theme of the movie, the relevance of it to rural india, the use of unpopular small-time actors, the use of village music group for one of the songs. Clearly it is a big name, backing a small budget film which can become profitable in the very first day of its release. Releasing just one movie per year is another trick that pulls the crowd to the theatre, exclusivity demands a premium, isin’t. At least the property rates of peeli village are going up due to this movie, some benefit for the villagers, hope you read the news regularly. :)

However, I am still waiting to see who will be the first production house that will experiment with a hoax teaser campaign to generate buzz for a movie release, the question is are we ready yet? The answer is difficult to put unless someone tries the same.

Monday 2 August, 2010

Inverted Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

You all know about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, Well I have come up with the inverted one. This describes the different stages that an employee with no work at office, goes through. (Click on the image to enlarge)



P.S.1: Of course "pun intended" and no offense to anyone including Mr. Maslow
P.S.2: (C) @ me
P.S.3: Suggest an apt name for this new theory :)
P.S.4: I thought 'Despo's Lethargy of Deeds' but my dear friend did not gave a good response to that name :(
P.S.5: I have not written so many P.S. ever.

Wednesday 28 July, 2010

Inflation, Common Wealth Games, Double Dip and Realty Bubble?

Real Estate prices in Mumbai have risen well beyond the peak of 2008, some people who were intelligent enough to buy flats 12-15 months back are sitting on sweet gains. I was talking to my friend, who is an investment banker, and we were discussing whether without the sustained economic growth at fundamental level, Mumbai will be able to maintain the current price levels? Is there be a realty bubble waiting to explode in India, Mumbai? Imagine a flat quoting about 70Lacs just before the crisis in 2008, is now priced at over 1 Cr.

We discussed two points. First, that even at the peak of the crises, the builders were able to manage with minimal sales, though their valuations took a nosedive, but they didn’t went bankrupt, somehow they had the working capital or they managed to get it. So, effectively the supply demand equation does not hold when there is a oversupply. Second, most of the people in India are still buying their first ‘HOME’ and that is not an Investment, it is a basic necessity and they will buy flats as and when prices start falling, even if just by 10%. At least I know 4-5 of my friends who are just waiting for prices to cool a little bit. Contrast this with the develop world where people were living in their home and had 2-3 homes as an investment, they may sell it if they require money or they may not buy another if they don’t have the money, but is it possible in India?

On another note, I don’t understand how government is going to control the food inflation by increasing interest rate. If not, then why the hell they promised 6 months back that inflation is going to come down. Now you see news articles that government has failed on their promise, I say it was never a promise. To control the inflation we need a good agri. production, not just good we need a bumper production. With millions of tonnes of food-grain rotting outside the FCI warehouses, while our agri. minister is juggling between IPL/ICC and asking the prime minister to reduce the burden; only time will tell whether our system can even handle the bumper harvest, if we have it at the first place. Even I think that what Mr. Iyer said about spending 35,000 Cr. for CWG is a waste, not because I second his other opinion of using that money for promoting games in india, but because I think that money should have been spent on setting up new FCI warehouses/upgrading the older ones. Seriously, I don’t mind people bureaucrats gobbling up the same 100 crores while setting up some more warehouses than doing the same while setting up lavish sports complexes. But nothing will happen as the root of the problem remain the same people. The people who still elects these minister; the people who wear branded ties, drives mercedes but still jumps the traffic signal; the people who still do not pay the taxes; the people who still do not cast their vote (but vote their Caste); the people who still spit on the roads; the people who are willing to pay bribe to by-pass the system but not get into the system and clean it; the people who still kills for religion, the people who are we.

The blog has already become so long and I didn’t even start on Double-dip. But let’s just leave it at this.

Tuesday 27 July, 2010

Err, you looking for a bachelor accommodation?

“yaar yeh bagal wali building mein koi flat nahi hai kya”

“sir woh bachelors ko nahi dete”

In short that means being a bachelor, you are not eligible to rent a house in half of the good societies. Those societies which allow bachelor accommodation demand higher maintenance charges from the landlord as if they are the only ones who understand the concept of high risk-high return. When you meet the landlord, he will start with the normal lecture of ‘no parties, no friends at home’, like you will strictly go by what he wants. If you delay the payment of the rent by even 1 day, he will worry of credit default even more than the Investment Bankers did at the peak of subprime. He will open the internet banking account and re-check whether the last month’s rent was indeed paid or it was just his dream, bloody INCEPTION!!!

Whenever you shop for grocery and bring back the polythene bags, everyone, from the security guard to the distant neighbors will look at the bags as if you are carrying detonators. Any bottle like structure will bring an instant smile on the guard’s face, the smile a "close-up" advertising executive would die for. And if at all he knew telepathy, he will signal that you will be called in the next society meeting unless you give me 1 'CAN' of beer. The house maid is no less than a shrewd economist that she uses the utility function, opportunity cost, and factor cost principle all in one go while quoting the monthly salary. The ‘bai’ is entitled for a 20 days CL and 10 days PL in a month, If there any slightest of chance that she cannot visit a house, it will be the bachelor’s one. Now I understand why my professor always insisted on having a Contingency Plan or Plan-B.

You cannot have relatives/cousins if you are a bachelor. One of my friends couldn’t make the club card for his cousin because the cousin’s name was not on the house lease. When asked whether people having families put each of their family member names on the lease, the society politely replied that only the families can ask for club card for their relatives and bachelors cannot. Even the faintest of the noise coming from the bachelors’ house will find its way to the ear drums of the neighbors and the after effect are heard at the landlord’s house. Forensic experts are no match to the neighbors’ skills as they trace the source of all the “stray” garbage to the Bachelor’s flat, I bet these people should train the Archeologists! 

If one is able to manage these stakeholders for 11 months, the last lessons are learnt in accounting. As my accounting professor said “Management Accounting is an art” and there you see, how beautifully the landlord calculate the depreciation of the flat, having an eye on your security deposit. After all this, I know where you will go to, your old friend, the house agent who has mastered the art of "key account management".

Monday 26 July, 2010

10 Things You Must Know

  1. There is only one absolute truth and that is when kareena sings “jaisa filmo mein hota hai, ho raha hai hu-ba-hu” in a song in the movie ‘3 idiots’
  2. There is nothing called free lunch but Gyaan is always free, and you’re not even asked if you need it, it is pounced upon you
  3. Only those who have already earned Crores, tell others not to worry about salary but work profile
  4. Just because the owners aren’t running the company doesn’t mean that the company is professionally run
  5. ESOP component of your pay is even more variable than the Variable Pay component (or Performance Linked bonus, if you say so)
  6. The most difficult thing to do in Mumbai is search for a good apartment; given that you are a bachelor (will write on this one in detail)
  7. The electronic swipe machine at office will always register your swipe if you are coming late or leaving a little early, but it is likely to fail to register the swipe otherwise
  8. You will always run out of (sufficient) change to pay the autowallas, especially on weekends
  9. You can run, you can hide but you can’t escape the telemarketers calls, they will reach you somehow
  10. My blog is becoming more random day by day and I am the one responsible for it, sigh!
P.S. - now please don’t comment that it was the singer and not kareena who was actually singing the song in ‘3 idiots’

Saturday 24 July, 2010

Daddu - the Rabbit !


Let me introduce you to my companion at office, Mr. Daddu (video attached.). The following notes explain why Mr. Daddu became popular in the entire office within 2 days of his arrival.


Please note that each one of the points listed below holds independently.

1. Mr. Daddu looks extremely stupid and you can always laugh at him

2. Mr. Daddu can do the same thing every day without getting bored i.e. nod his head whenever you touch him, move him or wake him from his sleep

3. Mr. Daddu greets everyone with the same smile whether it’s the office boy or the big boss of the floor

4. Mr. Daddu is a proof that there is at least someone more stupid than you are

5. Mr. Daddu can stay at the same place doing nothing and he never complains about it

6. All Mr. Daddu can do, is that he nods his head up-down like saying “yes” to whatever you do

7. Mr. Daddu continues to believe that he is a Rabbit, unperturbed by what others have to say about it

8. Mr. Daddu allow his colleagues to poke his nose whenever they want to vent out ‘their’ frustration, he still nods his head

9. Mr. Daddu has applied for a employee number as he thinks he is doing nothing less (if not more) than any other employee on an average day

(P.S: Daddu's is Sanket Bhale Property, he writes at lotofshit.blogspot.com)

Wednesday 30 June, 2010

Reforms - American or Indian ?

We know that in India we drive left, in US people drive on the right. Our electrical switches on downwards, theirs' upwards etc. etc.

But what about reforms, our reforms means deregulations, less governmental intervention and market pricing. The reforms that US is now talking of these days are different, US House passes landmark financial reform bill which actually means "The bill would impose tighter regulations on financial firms and reduce their profits. It would boost consumer protections, force banks to reduce risky trading and investing activities and set up a new government process for liquidating troubled financial firms." (taken on 1July2010 from - http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE65L4A920100701)

So we are moving their way and they are moving on ours';  Only time will tell which is a more robust model?

Information (De)value Chain

Please enlarge the image, Take it with a tablespoon of salt and yes, pun intended !!

Thursday 24 June, 2010

What do you do?

I was trying to find possible ways of venting out frustration (peaceful ways) while seating in my seat in the office, and the idea of putting it down into a blog post is inspired by some recent blog posts by Sanket Bhale (http://lotofshit.blogspot.com/2010/06/to-all-corporate-bitches_17.html and http://lotofshit.blogspot.com/2010/06/why-am-i-pissed.html ).
 
Well here is my list:
  1. Search on Internet about recent earthquakes, hurricanes, landslides, floods etc. > Convince yourself that 2012 will happen and you have nothing to gain in two years, so no point in crying for getting less
  2. Try to justify your current sorrows on your past sins, if you haven’t done any then try to find some flies/mosquito hiding in the desk, kill them so that you commit sin and then justify your current sorrows
  3. Go to the coffee vending machine take a cup of coffee, pour it down in the dustbin, do it iteratively until one of the ingredients (water, coffee or milk) is finished, then when the next cup of coffee is not available blame it on your bad luck and think that the current sorrows is also because of your bad luck
  4. Get some ink (remember ink pen), spray it on a A4 paper and then fold it twice, open the paper, observe the imprints of the ink, keep on doing that until the imprint resembles any awful creature, assume you were just that in your previous birth and that you deserve what is happening to you right now
  5. Open 100 internet explorer on your desktop, 100 MS office, 100 MS excel, 100 PowerPoint, Run some heavy code if you can and then when the computer stops functioning think that nothing is moving in your life and that you can’t do anything about it, it’s out of your reach
  6. Try to remember some scenes from Final Destination movie series and imagine that even worse could have happen so your current misery is no big
  7. Write a blog and tell you friends that you are frustrated, let them pray for you and hope that if God do not hear your prayers, the prayers of your friends will be heard and things will improve very soon

Wednesday 16 June, 2010

When it rains !

When it rains, Go walking
The Auto wont take you, not anymore
When it rains, Go Dieting
Cause you need to fit in the crowded bus

When it rains, Start early
The traffic will stand still always
When it rains, Go packing
Cause you’ll need another dress in office

When it rains, get short
So other’s umbrella don’t come in yours
When it rains, go gymming
So you can hold your umbrella in the winds

When it rains, meditate
So you can keep clam while the speeding cars splash water
When it rains, be blatant
So you can fight with others on road

When it rains, wear bright
So people can notice you if you drown in rainwater
When it rains, wear old
So you can throw the clothes away

When it rains, I am telling you
Do nothing, Actually you can’t do anything
So when it rain, Don’t complain
Cause we need it, yes very much!

Tuesday 8 June, 2010

Gotcha ... !!

How do you make the most boring post readable? Have an interesting title, Start with a question, human mind is inquisitive, the question will prompt the reader to read further, at least next couple of lines.

Write in short sentences, use small paragraphs.

Provide something similar to status bar e.g. you have read 50% of the post. It will finish in next couple of paragraph.

The reader will be more happy and satisfied if the post finishes even earlier than his/her expectations, like this one. You have read it completely, thank you for reading.

Wednesday 2 June, 2010

Meerkat In Cubicle

Have you seen the meerkat manor series on Animal Planet? Well I have recently observed similar behavior with a “more developed” and “self obsessed” creature on earth.

Let me first define what I mean by Meerkat behavior. It is the phenomenon when the creature in question raise their heads from their hidings and turn it left and right to look out for any activity happening in the surroundings.

Do you think meerkat behavior happens in the office, well I do. There is one pre-requisite for meerkat behavior to happen in office and that is - new joinees seating in cubicles in a big corporate where they are yet to be assigned a project.

Let me discuss the specific events that promote or lead to the meerkat behavior. Now these could be many, but I will write the key one’s for you. Presence of noisy flooring that creates high sound whenever it comes into contact with high heels. Presence of employees who wear those high heels on a regular basis. So whenever those ‘people’ walk around in the office they create a sound that is ‘music’ to the ears of our meerkat in the office. It gives our meerkat some hope that for the next few seconds ‘it’ will not be looking at the dead screen of ‘its’ laptop but at something/someone else. Then the meerkat raises his head and then happens the meerkat behavior. The source of the noise may or may not look at our meerkat but if they happen to look in each other’s eye all our Meerkat wants to say is “Please don’t look at me this way, I know I am a new joinee, I know I don’t have work right now, Please help me get some work, Please don’t think that I don’t want to work etc.” and ofcourse “it” wants to say “Don’t think that since I do not have work and I am just looking at everyone who is passing by, I am looking at you because you are making noise while you are walking” and yes the last thing that our meerkat says is to the God and that is “Please give me some work here or make these ‘people’ come wearing high heels that make noise everyday”.

Presence of any wannabe meerkat that has come for an interview also results into meerkat behavior.

So are you playing a meerkat today?

Tuesday 1 June, 2010

24 Hrs TV News Anchor Skillset

We Indian are known for our reverse engineering skills, well I tried my hand at the same. I tried to put down the skill-set required for a 24 Hrs Hindi TV News Anchor by reverse engineering from what I heard on those channels 24 hrs a day. Here was the outcome, don’t blame me for this!

  • Should be able to repeat the same statement or piece of news continuously for hours without showing any signs of boredom.
  • Should be able to show expressions of grief, dismay, shock, disappointment, panic at the drop of the hat.
  • Should be insensitive to human emotions to be able to speak and ask ridiculous questions to people in grief or those who are deeply affected .
  • Should be dumb enough to ask any damn question to the guests in panel discussion with complete disregard to their social/political status.
  • Should not hesitate to backtrack his/her own words again at the drop of the hat.
  • Should be presumptuous to be able to create stories by relating two or more incidents no matter how remote they may sound.
  • Should strictly do not think before he/she speaks.
  • Should have excellent voice modulation skills required to make any ordinary story sensational.
  • To be able to qualify for specific TV shows the natural tone of the candidate should be sarcastic, extremely sadistic or foolishly funny.
  • Should be able to sensationalise news by using words like ‘bhayanak’, ‘atyachaar’, ‘saheb-jyadey’, ‘be-raham’, ‘laachaar’, ‘be-kaboo’ very frequently.
  • Should be comfortable to using idioms/phrases like “kaan par zoo tak nahi raengti”, “ser ko sava ser”, “rahem ki bheekh” etc.
  • People who are convicted or made co-accused in defamation suits will be given preference.

Wednesday 28 April, 2010

Tweets and Tweet-Nots

I am trying to sound like Haves and Have-Nots. Yes, the “tweets” in the recent pasts have created a lot of trouble for the well known. Everyone seems to riding on the tweeting wave and those who do not are wondering if they are the laggards in the ‘high-tech’ generation of current India. From emails to blogs to social networking to tweet, the world of internet communication is changing a lot and at an alarming rate.

Tweet is short and convenient messaging that offer huge value for the internet savvy individuals who are hard pressed for their time but at the same time want to remain connected with their friends. However, this is just not it, if one asks oneself; tweet is becoming the platform for individuals to speak out to the world, the unknown world. Everyone has a point or opinion and people are finding a platform to express the same. The real advantage that it offers is that it can facilitate a dialogue between the who’s who of the society and any normal individual. One can tweet and ask a question to anyone and people are increasingly replying to these tweets. Those reply acts as an incentive for people to continue tweeting as the dialogue that died in its interpersonal form has evolved into the online platform in the form of tweets. Clearly this characteristic is difficult to reproduce on any other form of online communication (blogs, email etc.) However with newer platforms coming into being it is getting more and more difficult to maintain a healthy presence on all these distinct platforms and increasing people are looking for an integrated tool, not very surprisingly you find many social networking sites providing a feed for your tweet updates.

With 3G mobiles in hand, the tweeting could become increasingly happening phenomenon where the dependency on laptop/computer and an internet connection will go away. One can tweet at any time, from any place and on anything. The world of social networking is evolving rapidly and the form of communication is changing from private to public and from sporadic to real-time. The billion dollar question is where are we heading to, to which next form will this sort of communication evolve into?

How long would it be before all the “enquiry” windows at all the government offices, train stations, depots etc. opens a tweet account and you do not have to stand in a queue just to ask which queue should you stand in next?

The basic ingredient ‘high speed connectivity’ is not too far, the benefit of convenience and the mobile as the device, you have everything at your disposal. Now think this, I take your internet connection and how would it affect you, or I take your mobile and how would it affect you, but but but think this, I take your mobile and internet connection and how would it affect you.

Friday 16 April, 2010

Match the following

I was thinking about writing some small stuff or incidents as you may say but then i realised that it may well be very short but then i don't have twitter account... so thought of putting things differently. Well one do not have time to read long posts and people love to see some variety, so folloing the two rules.. here you go.

We used to have "Match the following" type question in school, so i thought of putting one for you, of course i have my answers, you may have yours :)


Parcel a Meal

I was having lunch with my old friend and his fiancée. We ordered calculated amount of lunch but a small proportion was still left after we were over. I was indifferent to the leftover stuff and as usual busy in chatting with my friend, however the wise lady asked the waiter to parcel the leftover food. Then we had the discussion about the policy of “no food wastage” followed by some righteous people. This ofcourse reminded me of my another friend who never wasted food once taken in his plate and always used to remind me whenever I did left something.

Well, we did parcel the leftover food and gave it to someone sitting on the footpath in the afternoon under the bright sun. I was sitting in the cab while my friend went out to give that parcel to the needy. Little did I realise what that parcel meant for a person living roadside and worrying just how his next meal is going to come. But when I saw the expressions on the face of that needy person I found all that effort was really worth it.

Lets us talk about a normal person, busy with his work and enjoying his weekends with his friends, he seldom find time to contribute something for the society. What does it takes to parcel the leftover food from a restaurant, just asking the waiter to do it for you. No additional effort is required except that you may have to get down from your cab to give it to someone in need but everything is worth it when you notice the true value of your leftover food for someone who may not even have his/her meal for that day.

Certainly, I will parcel a meal again, will you?

Sunday 21 March, 2010

Abhivyakti

I was never a poet, you gave me the words to write
I wasn’t an artist either, you made me find my creativity
I was not the leader, you gave me the strength to believe
Neither was I a confident man, But now I can take on this world

I had the wings, you taught me how to fly
I feared big ambitions, you told me not to shy
I had my share of setbacks, you said not to cry
Nothing seems impossible, you always inspired me to try

It was your energy that made me cheer
With your direction I steer
I do not know what more to say
You made me what I am, dear!

I don’t know how I would get along
My feelings for you are, all strong
Wish you along with your dreams, flourish
As it is your friendship that I cherish



[this is my first attempt at writing a poem, i did this on the last but one day of my stay at IIMK; and I wish all my graduating friends all the very best for their future]

Tuesday 2 March, 2010

The Laundry war gets dirty – P&G vs. HUL

Have you seen the latest Rin ad by HUL, they have claimed that Rin is better than Tide Naturals in the sense that it fights dirt better.

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/Advertising/Rin-washes-rivalry-linen-with-Tide-in-public-through-new-TV-ad/articleshow/5629626.cms

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/biz/india-business/Ad-part-of-battle-over-market-share/articleshow/5631730.cms

They have taken an aggressive stance by explicitly taking the name of Tide Naturals in the Ad (and showing Tide Natural Rs20 pack), it is a brave move and could prove to be risky if P&G decides to fight it out in court. Some things are noteworthy in this campaign

· The campaign is run very frequently as you notice this Ad every next minute, it is obvious as HUL is not sure how soon they would be forced to stop airing the Ad if P&G moves to the court, so if damage has to be done, it has to be done quickly
· The Ad launch was timed perfectly with a long weekend coupled with Holi, when people are searching in the cupboard for clothes that they can wear on Holi and are worried that their new clothes should not get dirty anyhow in holi celebrations
· The long weekend also ensures that the Ad gets a breathing time as it will make it difficult for P&G to respond in a quick manner, the decision taking will take more time
· The product compared is Tide Naturals and not normal Tide and a third party Laboratory validation is quoted with an * mark
· The Ad capitalise on “Chauk Gaye” phrase which is synonymous with Tide campaigns and ends with “Aunty chauk kyon gayee”

Surprisingly but cleverly HUL has moved to the court and challenged the use of ‘Naturals’ word by Tide, clearly with a two pronged attack on Tide. Well if you have little idea about the detergent market, HUL has been losing its market share to Tide for a long time and I think it has tried too hard to sustain its market share but whether this new all offensive attack on Tide Naturals will help HUL get back its market share? Time will only tell, but lets see what is P&G options now, how should it counter this attack

1. Move to the court, get a stay on the Ad asap, as it is hitting the brand equity of Tide
2. Launch a counter offensive by doing the laboratory test again and disproving the results otherwise
3. Reinforce the Tide brand by some sales promotions or point of sales events, PR, emphasising the cleaning action of Tide
4. Take the war to a whole new level and include Ariel and Surf Excel, attack stronghold of HUL’s other brands and get even

However, a smarter way would be to tell the consumers that by launching this Ad HUL has inadvertently accepted that Tide is the leader in the category and therefore they are forced to compare their product with Tide and not any other brand, so the customers should realise that Tide is already no1 and every other brand is just comparing itself to Tide and looking to match the brand promise this way or the other. Whatever, P&G’s response will be, I am looking forward to watch the detergent war getting dirtier, lets us see how the brand managers of two prestigious FMCG companies fight it out.

7, 12, 17 …

So what should come next?

Well, I asked this to a Consultant and he told me ‘It depends’, a Financial Analyst told me that it can be no simpler, it is 22 for sure, Mr. Marketer told me that if you do not do anything it will be 22 but if you let me handle that I can increase it, Mr. Accountant told me that he can make the next number anything I want, Mr. Operations told me that whatever it will be he can only handle it if it is within 3σ, Mr HR advised me not to be too inclined to numbers and use some qualitative matrix as well. Now, before you lose interest let me tell you that it is a time series data, does that help you?
Well, I am not sure of the next number in the series. It will depend upon the following

• Number of events happening at local, national or international level that arouse my interest
• Number of people who praises my writing :) or come and comment on my blogs
• The time that I am able to devote to my blog

Yes you get it right, it is the number of blog posts that I have written for the last three years and the next in series will be the total posts that I will write in year 2010 . So what will it be?

Saturday 20 February, 2010

2*06 – The one with all the Thumping

Guess where did the name come, well after lot of pushing, I started watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S so the inspiration came from that. But wait the entire story is not about that so those of you who are not really a big FAN of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, can also read on.

I was sitting in my “the very last” lecture at iimk and project presentations were going on, one after the other. Usually these sessions are difficult to sit in, I mean project presentations! People are least interested in the project that their own group did, forget listening to ppt of other groups. So what do you, some people sleep like they don’t care, some people keep on moving in and out of the class and try not to care, some people respect the sanctity of the classroom and sit patiently there, a few try to listen to what is being said by the presenters just because they anyway had to remain in the classroom and have nothing else that can do in a classroom, but everyone is looking at the clock, with every tick of the second you are marginally happy and the diminishing rate of return does not apply here, it’s a increasing rate of utility curve where the utility continue to increase, the more closer you are to the end of the session the higher is the utility of that last of the seconds. Well not anymore!

I wished for the first time in my last ever lecture at iimk that may be the last group had a few more words to say to the class before they say “thank you”, may be some of my ‘kind’ friends who were listening to the presentation had 1-2 questions to ask, may be the professor had something to say to the class before he winds up the session, may be everyone in the class was feeling like I do and may be something was happening for the first time ever that did not happen before, each of us in the class wanted that lecture to go on for a few more seconds, may be minutes and each of us for the first time did not mind if the class overshoots by a couple of minutes. As when the last presentation finished, my eyes did not believed what they saw, my ears wanted to ignore what they were hearing, my mind was trying hard not to waste time in thinking about what is happening, and my heart was beating slowly as if it was saying something to the clock, my goose pimples were trying to hide from being noticed - they did not wanted to appear. I wanted the time to stop, I wanted to be a poet, I wanted to be a photographer, I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to be an artist, because these MBA programs can teach you how to run a 100 crore business but they fail to teach you how to capture moments that matter.

While I was feeling all that, suddenly a cold current ran through my nerves, the heart beat that was going slow jerked up, the mind was puzzled, the two ears were confirming with each other if what they heard was right, the goose pimples couldn't wait any longer...engulfing --almost uplifting-- my body with a feeling that can only be experienced, not described, my whole 2 years flashed in front of my eyes as the last group said “thank you”. That was a dead silence in the classroom, everyone was trying not to look at others, they were looking at the ceiling, the fan, the projector, the board, and then they started thumping the desk. The thumping that did not stop, probably no one wanted this thumping to stop, the thumping was the last hope of each one of us to continue sitting in the class somehow and not leave, the thumping was the only common way out for the emotions that each one of us had, the thumping was the only way to cheer up all those who were feeling bad about the end of the PGP program, the thumping that never looked like it would stop. I did not care if the table break but I desperately did not wanted that thumping to stop.