Err, you looking for a bachelor accommodation?

“yaar yeh bagal wali building mein koi flat nahi hai kya”

“sir woh bachelors ko nahi dete”

In short that means being a bachelor, you are not eligible to rent a house in half of the good societies. Those societies which allow bachelor accommodation demand higher maintenance charges from the landlord as if they are the only ones who understand the concept of high risk-high return. When you meet the landlord, he will start with the normal lecture of ‘no parties, no friends at home’, like you will strictly go by what he wants. If you delay the payment of the rent by even 1 day, he will worry of credit default even more than the Investment Bankers did at the peak of subprime. He will open the internet banking account and re-check whether the last month’s rent was indeed paid or it was just his dream, bloody INCEPTION!!!

Whenever you shop for grocery and bring back the polythene bags, everyone, from the security guard to the distant neighbors will look at the bags as if you are carrying detonators. Any bottle like structure will bring an instant smile on the guard’s face, the smile a "close-up" advertising executive would die for. And if at all he knew telepathy, he will signal that you will be called in the next society meeting unless you give me 1 'CAN' of beer. The house maid is no less than a shrewd economist that she uses the utility function, opportunity cost, and factor cost principle all in one go while quoting the monthly salary. The ‘bai’ is entitled for a 20 days CL and 10 days PL in a month, If there any slightest of chance that she cannot visit a house, it will be the bachelor’s one. Now I understand why my professor always insisted on having a Contingency Plan or Plan-B.

You cannot have relatives/cousins if you are a bachelor. One of my friends couldn’t make the club card for his cousin because the cousin’s name was not on the house lease. When asked whether people having families put each of their family member names on the lease, the society politely replied that only the families can ask for club card for their relatives and bachelors cannot. Even the faintest of the noise coming from the bachelors’ house will find its way to the ear drums of the neighbors and the after effect are heard at the landlord’s house. Forensic experts are no match to the neighbors’ skills as they trace the source of all the “stray” garbage to the Bachelor’s flat, I bet these people should train the Archeologists! 

If one is able to manage these stakeholders for 11 months, the last lessons are learnt in accounting. As my accounting professor said “Management Accounting is an art” and there you see, how beautifully the landlord calculate the depreciation of the flat, having an eye on your security deposit. After all this, I know where you will go to, your old friend, the house agent who has mastered the art of "key account management".