24 Hrs TV News Anchor Skillset

We Indian are known for our reverse engineering skills, well I tried my hand at the same. I tried to put down the skill-set required for a 24 Hrs Hindi TV News Anchor by reverse engineering from what I heard on those channels 24 hrs a day. Here was the outcome, don’t blame me for this!

• Should be able to repeat the same statement or piece of news continuously for hours without showing any signs of boredom.
• Should be able to show expressions of grief, dismay, shock, disappointment, panic at the drop of the hat.
• Should be insensitive to human emotions to be able to speak and ask ridiculous questions to people in grief or those who are deeply affected .
• Should be dumb enough to ask any damn question to the guests in panel discussion with complete disregard to their social/political status.
• Should not hesitate to backtrack his/her own words again at the drop of the hat.
• Should be presumptuous to be able to create stories by relating two or more incidents no matter how remote they may sound.
• Should strictly do not think before he/she speaks.
• Should have excellent voice modulation skills required to make any ordinary story sensational.
• To be able to qualify for specific TV shows the natural tone of the candidate should be sarcastic, extremely sadistic or foolishly funny.
• Should be able to sensationalise news by using words like ‘bhayanak’, ‘atyachaar’, ‘saheb-jyadey’, ‘be-raham’, ‘laachaar’, ‘be-kaboo’ very frequently.
• Should be comfortable to using idioms/phrases like “kaan par zoo tak nahi raengti”, “ser ko sava ser”, “rahem ki bheekh” etc.
• People who are convicted or made co-accused in defamation suits will be given preference.