What do you do?

I was trying to find possible ways of venting out frustration (peaceful ways) while seating in my seat in the office, and the idea of putting it down into a blog post is inspired by some recent blog posts by Sanket Bhale (http://lotofshit.blogspot.com/2010/06/to-all-corporate-bitches_17.html and http://lotofshit.blogspot.com/2010/06/why-am-i-pissed.html ).

 

Well here is my list:

1. Search on Internet about recent earthquakes, hurricanes, landslides, floods etc. > Convince yourself that 2012 will happen and you have nothing to gain in two years, so no point in crying for getting less
2. Try to justify your current sorrows on your past sins, if you haven’t done any then try to find some flies/mosquito hiding in the desk, kill them so that you commit sin and then justify your current sorrows
3. Go to the coffee vending machine take a cup of coffee, pour it down in the dustbin, do it iteratively until one of the ingredients (water, coffee or milk) is finished, then when the next cup of coffee is not available blame it on your bad luck and think that the current sorrows is also because of your bad luck
4. Get some ink (remember ink pen), spray it on a A4 paper and then fold it twice, open the paper, observe the imprints of the ink, keep on doing that until the imprint resembles any awful creature, assume you were just that in your previous birth and that you deserve what is happening to you right now
5. Open 100 internet explorer on your desktop, 100 MS office, 100 MS excel, 100 PowerPoint, Run some heavy code if you can and then when the computer stops functioning think that nothing is moving in your life and that you can’t do anything about it, it’s out of your reach
6. Try to remember some scenes from Final Destination movie series and imagine that even worse could have happen so your current misery is no big
7. Write a blog and tell you friends that you are frustrated, let them pray for you and hope that if God do not hear your prayers, the prayers of your friends will be heard and things will improve very soon

When it rains !

When it rains, Go walking
The Auto wont take you, not anymore
When it rains, Go Dieting
Cause you need to fit in the crowded bus

When it rains, Start early
The traffic will stand still always
When it rains, Go packing
Cause you’ll need another dress in office

When it rains, get short
So other’s umbrella don’t come in yours
When it rains, go gymming
So you can hold your umbrella in the winds

When it rains, meditate
So you can keep clam while the speeding cars splash water
When it rains, be blatant
So you can fight with others on road

When it rains, wear bright
So people can notice you if you drown in rainwater
When it rains, wear old
So you can throw the clothes away

When it rains, I am telling you
Do nothing, Actually you can’t do anything
So when it rain, Don’t complain
Cause we need it, yes very much!

Gotcha ... !!

How do you make the most boring post readable? Have an interesting title, Start with a question, human mind is inquisitive, the question will prompt the reader to read further, at least next couple of lines.

Write in short sentences, use small paragraphs.

Provide something similar to status bar e.g. you have read 50% of the post. It will finish in next couple of paragraph.

The reader will be more happy and satisfied if the post finishes even earlier than his/her expectations, like this one. You have read it completely, thank you for reading.

Meerkat In Cubicle

Have you seen the meerkat manor series on Animal Planet? Well I have recently observed similar behavior with a “more developed” and “self obsessed” creature on earth.

Let me first define what I mean by Meerkat behavior. It is the phenomenon when the creature in question raise their heads from their hidings and turn it left and right to look out for any activity happening in the surroundings.

Do you think meerkat behavior happens in the office, well I do. There is one pre-requisite for meerkat behavior to happen in office and that is - new joinees seating in cubicles in a big corporate where they are yet to be assigned a project.

Let me discuss the specific events that promote or lead to the meerkat behavior. Now these could be many, but I will write the key one’s for you. Presence of noisy flooring that creates high sound whenever it comes into contact with high heels. Presence of employees who wear those high heels on a regular basis. So whenever those ‘people’ walk around in the office they create a sound that is ‘music’ to the ears of our meerkat in the office. It gives our meerkat some hope that for the next few seconds ‘it’ will not be looking at the dead screen of ‘its’ laptop but at something/someone else. Then the meerkat raises his head and then happens the meerkat behavior. The source of the noise may or may not look at our meerkat but if they happen to look in each other’s eye all our Meerkat wants to say is “Please don’t look at me this way, I know I am a new joinee, I know I don’t have work right now, Please help me get some work, Please don’t think that I don’t want to work etc.” and ofcourse “it” wants to say “Don’t think that since I do not have work and I am just looking at everyone who is passing by, I am looking at you because you are making noise while you are walking” and yes the last thing that our meerkat says is to the God and that is “Please give me some work here or make these ‘people’ come wearing high heels that make noise everyday”.

Presence of any wannabe meerkat that has come for an interview also results into meerkat behavior.

So are you playing a meerkat today?

24 Hrs TV News Anchor Skillset

We Indian are known for our reverse engineering skills, well I tried my hand at the same. I tried to put down the skill-set required for a 24 Hrs Hindi TV News Anchor by reverse engineering from what I heard on those channels 24 hrs a day. Here was the outcome, don’t blame me for this!

• Should be able to repeat the same statement or piece of news continuously for hours without showing any signs of boredom.
• Should be able to show expressions of grief, dismay, shock, disappointment, panic at the drop of the hat.
• Should be insensitive to human emotions to be able to speak and ask ridiculous questions to people in grief or those who are deeply affected .
• Should be dumb enough to ask any damn question to the guests in panel discussion with complete disregard to their social/political status.
• Should not hesitate to backtrack his/her own words again at the drop of the hat.
• Should be presumptuous to be able to create stories by relating two or more incidents no matter how remote they may sound.
• Should strictly do not think before he/she speaks.
• Should have excellent voice modulation skills required to make any ordinary story sensational.
• To be able to qualify for specific TV shows the natural tone of the candidate should be sarcastic, extremely sadistic or foolishly funny.
• Should be able to sensationalise news by using words like ‘bhayanak’, ‘atyachaar’, ‘saheb-jyadey’, ‘be-raham’, ‘laachaar’, ‘be-kaboo’ very frequently.
• Should be comfortable to using idioms/phrases like “kaan par zoo tak nahi raengti”, “ser ko sava ser”, “rahem ki bheekh” etc.
• People who are convicted or made co-accused in defamation suits will be given preference.

Tweets and Tweet-Nots

I am trying to sound like Haves and Have-Nots. Yes, the “tweets” in the recent pasts have created a lot of trouble for the well known. Everyone seems to riding on the tweeting wave and those who do not are wondering if they are the laggards in the ‘high-tech’ generation of current India. From emails to blogs to social networking to tweet, the world of internet communication is changing a lot and at an alarming rate.

Tweet is short and convenient messaging that offer huge value for the internet savvy individuals who are hard pressed for their time but at the same time want to remain connected with their friends. However, this is just not it, if one asks oneself; tweet is becoming the platform for individuals to speak out to the world, the unknown world. Everyone has a point or opinion and people are finding a platform to express the same. The real advantage that it offers is that it can facilitate a dialogue between the who’s who of the society and any normal individual. One can tweet and ask a question to anyone and people are increasingly replying to these tweets. Those reply acts as an incentive for people to continue tweeting as the dialogue that died in its interpersonal form has evolved into the online platform in the form of tweets. Clearly this characteristic is difficult to reproduce on any other form of online communication (blogs, email etc.) However with newer platforms coming into being it is getting more and more difficult to maintain a healthy presence on all these distinct platforms and increasing people are looking for an integrated tool, not very surprisingly you find many social networking sites providing a feed for your tweet updates.

With 3G mobiles in hand, the tweeting could become increasingly happening phenomenon where the dependency on laptop/computer and an internet connection will go away. One can tweet at any time, from any place and on anything. The world of social networking is evolving rapidly and the form of communication is changing from private to public and from sporadic to real-time. The billion dollar question is where are we heading to, to which next form will this sort of communication evolve into?

How long would it be before all the “enquiry” windows at all the government offices, train stations, depots etc. opens a tweet account and you do not have to stand in a queue just to ask which queue should you stand in next?

The basic ingredient ‘high speed connectivity’ is not too far, the benefit of convenience and the mobile as the device, you have everything at your disposal. Now think this, I take your internet connection and how would it affect you, or I take your mobile and how would it affect you, but but but think this, I take your mobile and internet connection and how would it affect you.

Match the following

I was thinking about writing some small stuff or incidents as you may say but then i realised that it may well be very short but then i don't have twitter account... so thought of putting things differently. Well one do not have time to read long posts and people love to see some variety, so folloing the two rules.. here you go.

We used to have "Match the following" type question in school, so i thought of putting one for you, of course i have my answers, you may have yours :)